One of the most cited causes of both conflict and divorce in marriages is the issue of money. Money is a tricky subject, and if not handled correctly, can cause *major* rifts in your marriage. How should a soon-to-be-wed couple handle such a topic?

First and foremost, communicate about it. Money can be a funny topic, and one partner can easily feel belittled or left out if the other tries to take over, even if it is with the best intentions. Discuss with your significant other the following:

• Your current financial situation: Better to be honest and open right from the get-go. Have you faced a foreclosure or bankruptcy? Do you owe way too much in student loans and are afraid that it’ll take you years to pay it off? Are you independently wealthy and worry that your partner’s habits will destroy part of your financial success? Before you can come to any agreement about where you’re going with your finances, you need to figure out where you’ve been and where you currently are.
• How good are you at managing money? This probably begins to become evident after the first conversation topic. For some of us, we know we’re not good at managing our money (but hopefully you’ve gotten better after reading articles on my site!) and we would not be offended if the other person took the lead. Some of us are really good at managing our money, and it would make sense for us to do more of the budgeting and record keeping.
• Discuss your preferences. Perhaps you’re like me and put every dollar that you spend on your rewards credit card. Or you could be on a strict cash-only budget in an effort to curb your spending. One of you might enjoy keeping frequent tabs on your money (or is that just me?!?) while others only would check it at the end of the month.
• Talk about goals. Is paying down student loans and credit card debt a priority for you? (It had better be!) Perhaps one of you really values going on exotic vacations while the other would prefer to go out to eat twice a week at a nice restaurant. Making sure you’re on the same page is crucial, and if you’re not, find a way to compromise. Agree on most of the bigger stuff and don’t be afraid to let each other continue to spend money on their personal hobbies. My fiancée really enjoys riding horses while I enjoy golfing. Those are two things that we’ve agreed that we’ll let each other continue to do, as long as it falls in line with our bigger picture budget.

Once you’ve had these discussions, you’re ready to come up with a plan:

• Figure out if you’ll even combine finances at all. For some couples, they are already established and are both comfortable managing their separate finances. In this instance it might make sense to keep the money separate. Perhaps maintain a joint checking account where each person deposits money in order to pay the common bills (mortgage/rent, utilities etc…)

If you do decide to combine:

• Decide who is going to manage the money. It might be one of you, or both of you might play an active role. If one person does manage it, I would recommend frequently giving the other person updates, and getting their input on larger decisions. That way they won’t feel belittled.
• Come up with a budget. Use Excel, Quickbooks, Mint.com or some other tool to set up your budget and track your expenses. Have fairly regular check-ins to ensure that both of you are on track. Allow each partner to have a fair say in how the money will be spent, and be sure not to stifle a hobby that your significant other may love.
• Keep track of your goals and your progress. The path toward financial freedom is a long journey full of difficulties. Only by being solid in your relationship and having groundwork discussions on your finances will you be able to weather any financial storm.

Other relevant posts:
How to have the most important day of your life not be the most expensive one
Budgets
Avoiding Commercials and staying on track